Sunday, April 15, 2012

Application after Application after Application

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As with most people, I can't stand rejection. If there was one thing I learned after getting many no's (and even getting ignored) during my internship search for this summer, it's that nothing worth fighting for EVER comes easy. I knew what I wanted... a summer in the city, running around as a crazed magazine intern, living life in line with the big city dreams that I've always held close. And yet for months, it seemed far from what would really happen. I doubted, I cried, I got a little emotional... I started believing that I just wasn't what anyone was looking for.

But I still sent in application after application after application..... until I finally got a hook. To say that I actually believe that I'm getting one of my dreams this summer seems so far-fetched. All of the months of waiting and patience paid off, I just still can't believe it.

I'm living in the city. Me.... a girl from Michigan living in NYC. Is this real life?

Sure there may have been days when I really didn't want to send in another application. I got so fed up with being ignored or getting the polite, 'we're just not interested email.' I was ready to quit, and then I got a call. What if I wouldn't have sent it in? At the time, it was just another email... and now it's so much more. It's my chance to make it.

I'm not going to lie and say I'm not terrified. Living in the city all by myself scares me like nothing I've ever done before. And yet, I'm still really proud. Proud that I didn't give up in the face of rejection. Proud that I was strong enough to keep on keeping on. Proud that I'm one step closer to living my dream.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For anyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
Matthew 7:7-8


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bound By Love

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For some reasons, LOVE tends to be a common theme on my blog.

So many of us are lucky enough to be loved by incredible family and friends.
Some of us have the love of a romantic partner.
All of us have the love of Jesus Christ.

Sometimes I think that in life's craziness (the 'mess' as I have heard it referred to before), I forget the magnitude and incredible nature of eternal love. So many things in our lives are temporary, static... they only change when we tell them to or when someone else does. As with most people I know, I get lonely. I sink into my own little personal 'bubble' and convince myself that the only person I can really trust is myself. I get so caught up in living my life, that I forget life is going on all around me, despite me, with me, for me. And I convince myself that I'm incapable of receiving love... that the only person I can love is myself.

I'm one of those insecure people who is convinced that love won't come knocking for a long time. But in that insecurity, I also know that when it does come knocking it will be beyond my greatest expectations. For hours I can talk about love and patience and waiting for love, but what am I really waiting for?

God loves me all day, every day. No need for waiting.  His love is here to stay.
Sure I can say these profound, general and inspiring statements. But is it really that easy to understand? We've heard these things since we were too young to remember, but how do we live them in everyday life? How do we apply them to situations and relationships that may need mending?

I love the image of binding Christ's love on the tablet of our heart. If I had to guess, I'd say that this means learning how to radiate, to exude, and to emit God's love in everything we say and do. Be an inspiration for others, a guidepost to wandering souls, a simple helping hand... there are no bounds.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Learning to Live, Love and Carry On

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I doubt.
I wrestle.
I hardly ever settle.
I expect the most of myself.
I long to please and to succeed.
I won't stop and rest until my feet won't move.
I drive myself crazy to the point of pure exhaustion.

All for what?

Sometimes I wonder who I'm trying to please. I convince myself that I should have to live up to something or someone, and I feel defeated when I consider myself falling short.

All for who?

I have no idea.

Why can't we accept the fact that we are always enough? We can't I come to understand that we'll succeed no matter how hard we try. I'm constantly trying to convince myself that we don't have to live up to anything—no one can keep us from being happy and completely fulfilled besides ourselves. We can feel good about ourselves regardless of what we do or accomplish. We decide when, where, and how we are happy. We decide how to live, love, and ultimately carry on.

So what am I chasing? Where am I really running to?
I hope I'm running home.

"Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind."
Ecclesiastes 1:16-17

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