It's okay to let people in. A slight warning- this post may be a little more emotional than normal, but that's okay. There comes a time to lay it all out there. There comes a time to put yourself on the line.
There definitely comes a time to let go of insecurity. One of my biggest insecurities comes from a fear of not finding someone to love and appreciate life with. Yes... I will admit that I am scared of not being able to walk down the aisle one day. And as much as a wedding may be every girl's little dream, it's so much more than that. It's not finding someone to love and trust everything with. It's not finding someone that I can look at with undying passion and surrender everything to. It's not finding someone to share my successes and failures.
It's not finding someone to cry on, to laugh with, and to smile at forever.
I think the reason I am so scared is that I've never had a serious relationship. I've never been able to let someone in close enough to get hurt. Is it because I am scared of letting people see the real me? Is it because I just haven't come across anyone my heart has longed for? Is it because it just hasn't been meant to be? Is it because no one has seen me as dating material?
So many questions... and only one place to look for answers. I know it's in his plan for me. It's just so hard to be patient. So hard to be patient when you feel like you are wasting time. And yet- I know that he has all my best interests at heart. I know that whatever he has planned for me is far greater than anything I can dream of or imagine. I just hope it happens to involve a smiling man in a tux at the end of a church aisle- is that too much to hope for?
Sophomore year in college. I know I'm still young. I know that this year has to be a little different. I need to stop being so afraid of letting go. I need to stop telling myself that people run the opposite direction simply because I'm 'too awkward.' Guys like a little awkward sometimes, right? I need to be confident in the fact that there are men out there that would see me as a great catch. Just the way I am. But... the tricky part is, they may not find me if I'm hiding out. It takes two people looking for two people to meet. It always takes two.
Are you lucky enough to be in love? Is it all you ever hoped for and so much more? Did you have to be patient? Have any advice for a wanna-be romantic? I would love to hear it. I have so much love to give. Now... only to find the perfect person to give it to.
In other (lighter) news, my puppy had her first visit to the salon this morning. We were very clear in the fact that we did NOT want all of her hair shaved off. I think the groomer did a great job- what do you think? :) Can she just be the love of my life?
I also went to a movie with an incredible friend tonight- isn't it crazy how much better great friends and good laughs can make you feel? Once again, God shows me that I am so blessed to have such great friends in my life. Quite the timing, huh?
|An old picture (sophomore year?) that makes me laugh a little :)|
"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."